Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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