I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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