so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have tasted many bathrooms
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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