So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
