East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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