She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We are all done wearing pants today
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Two words: nipple clamps
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