do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
