OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
