think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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