Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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