i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
