you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
