you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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