You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
