between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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