What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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