Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My life is pants optional.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize