i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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