doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
