Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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