There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
