I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
