I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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