Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
