I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
