Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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