remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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