All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
