Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
