How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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