i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
