Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
