So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
