you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
