Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
