You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
