You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You're like the curious george of whores
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
