you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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