There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
