I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
