i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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