i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
