I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
