she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
