im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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