Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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