Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
