Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
