it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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