Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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