I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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