Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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