I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize