Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
