saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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