Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
