She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
