you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He did a backflip because drugs
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