someone get that fucking seahorse.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
