why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
