The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
