I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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