Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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