i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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