I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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