my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
