Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
