You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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