So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
