i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
