We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
