how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
