its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
