I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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