Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
worst night to have a conscience
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
