Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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