Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
