he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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