So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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