first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
