Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
