first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
