I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
