I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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