Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
