today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
