what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
