I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
