The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
