I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
