Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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