can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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