I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
