just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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