so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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