my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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