he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
