so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
