Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
