It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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