I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize