You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize