you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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