so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
