It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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