Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
