The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize