Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
