I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
