At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
