where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
