It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
