Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
