Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
