you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
