He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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