you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
