omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
