There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
